My Blog List
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:]12 years ago
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List of blog post12 years ago
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list of posts12 years ago
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Four Blogs Chosen12 years ago
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Four Best Posts.12 years ago
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Best four blogposts12 years ago
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Course Reflection12 years ago
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blog 313 years ago
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Hello Claudia.
ReplyDeletePlease do not take anything into offence.Buy listening your speech as listener I found some unclarity. Your introduction to me is unclear, especially first sentence. Also I don't understand what is your thesis, you didn't specify you main point. In your speech you stated that Asian men were emasculated and isolated from females, and were forced to feminine jobs during Word War II. Base to the article that we read in class it happened way before World War II. You did'n have your main topic sentence, on which you need to focus. After that you state that common stereotype of Asian men luck of communication, but your quot shows the different idea.After the quot you start to writing about Asian men that they are not sexually attractive. But it has no connection with the topic sentence. In a topic sentence you state, as I believe that common stereotype of Asian men luck of communication. So in that body paragraphs you need to stay on that idea. Latter you stay on the topic. Which I believe, that Asian men prove their masculinity by tattooing themselves and their cars.In your conclusion you saying very little, you need to summarize everything that you saying
The argument you seem to be making is that Asian men are attempting to assert their masculinity by trying to alter the image of Asian men as effeminate, weak and asexual, through modeling, tattooing their bodies and working on cars. These three trends need more research support in order to establish that these are widespread rather than a local phenomenon. Also, I found it hard to concentrate on your voice due to the other voices/laughter in the background.
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